Place of Peace

Last night as I lay awake counting boxes and organizing the day ahead in my mind, I suddenly felt a place of peace. I realized that the prayers I have prayed for the past year have been answered. Over a year ago I told God I wanted to spend my days surrounded by nature, shed unneeded baggage for simplicity, fine tune my art, and enjoy life as it was meant to be. Now that He has answered my prayers, how can I possibly complain and grow weary with the experience? I have been so blessed.

I cried a bit this morning as I listened to the familiar birds outside my window and tried to memorize the pattern of the sunlight as it fell upon my bed. But my tears did not last long.

I tried to remember that in answering my prayers, he has also answered the prayers of the young couple buying our house. They are so excited to start a life here! How can I be so selfish to want my dream, but yet, not be willing to sacrifice what I have now? I'm ashamed to admit I'm holding onto material things...the very things I whispered to God that I wanted to let go of...the "things" that have choked my spirit with stress and responsibilities.

I am attempting to change my perspective. I am trying to imagine the joy of this couple as they play in the yard with their children, sit at the dining room table with Candyland, and celebrate birthdays and holidays within these walls.

She is expecting a child in August. How wonderful it must feel to pick out the right shade of blue for the walls! To prepare to bring a little pink baby into a soft warm bed at the end of the hallway...to eventually know the sound and feel of the house key in the lock, the hum of the fridge, the way the winds whistles like music in the pine trees...the voice of sweet birds ...

and the sunlight as it falls upon the bed...